Murder On The Orient Express Was Pretty Disappointing!

***There will be NO SPOILERS in this blog***

Welcome back to Rob’s Monday Morning Movie Review! This week we’re taking a look at Murder On The Orient Express, and it’ll be a brief look at it, because to be honest, I don’t have much to say. I unfortunately wasn’t the biggest fan.

A lavish trip through Europe quickly unfolds into a race against time to solve a murder aboard a train. When an avalanche stops the Orient Express dead in its tracks, the world’s greatest detective — Hercule Poirot — arrives to interrogate all passengers and search for clues before the killer can strike again.

So I’ll preface this by saying I haven’t read the novel or seen the original (this is a remake), but I was STOKED for this flick. I really enjoy murder mystery movies, and this one had a phenomenal cast including my girl Daisy Ridley (the most perfect woman on earth) and Leslie Odom Jr, the original Aaron Burr in Hamilton: An American Musical. I’m such a gigantic Hamilton fan that whenever someone from the cast gets a big movie role, I’m excited. It’s especially awesome when it’s my pal Leslie.

I went to see Murder On The Orient Express last night and I was bummed to realize…this movie just ain’t that great! It’s not bad by any means, but it rides the line between the two so uninterestingly it barely held my interest. I saw the reviews, the ones that said it’s okay and slightly above average, and I wanted to disagree with ‘em so much! Really wanted to write this review and tell you guys, “Don’t listen to them! This movie is awesome and you should see it!”, but I’m actually writing this review and saying “They’re all correct! Maybe just see Thor again!”

Everyone is really good from an acting standpoint. Kenneth Branagh in the lead role of
Hercule Poirot is fantastic. Seriously SUCH a fun performance from him. My two people, Daisy and Leslie, were both great, and were both underutilized. I thought both characters were really interesting and would’ve liked to see more of them. Finally, the other extended members of the cast – Tom Bateman, Penélope Cruz, Josh Gad, Johnny Depp, Derek Jacobi, Willem Dafoe, Michelle Pfeiffer – all great! The writing and pacing just slowed things down to such a level where it was hard to care about any of them!

I did actually enjoy the big “Who done it?!” reveal at the end a lot. I can see how people won’t, but it was without a doubt my favorite part of the movie, and Kenneth Branagh’s monologue made me feel slightly justified in my $18 ticket purchase (what in the fuck is that, by the way, New York?!).

Overall, I can’t say I recommend this movie, because it’s just very “Meh!”. If you’re truly interested, check it out on a rainy day once it hits Netflix. It’s completely watchable, but one of those movies I’d probably give a 4 or 5 out of 10, so nothing to write home about. Sad!